By now we have learned many important aspects of Ramadhan some of which are applicable even after the blessed month would pass. One such very relevant topic today is Managing relationships . In this blessed month of Ramadhan we all are trying our best to Worship Allah as much as possible to enter Jannah .So let’s try not to miss out some simple yet very important acts that will in sha Allah help us achieve Jannah.
Islam emphasizes accountability to Allah in all areas of our lives. In other words, we are answerable to Allah even in the way we treat our family , relatives ,neighbors and fellow Muslims.
Family relationships play an enormous role in our lives. They affect us right from the moment of our birth to the time we leave this world and even after that in the way we are remembered. Our relationships with our parents, siblings spouses,relatives and friends can deeply influence the way we think, the way we interact with others and the way we view ourselves and the world.
Unfortunately, we are in the midst of such a crisis in the present society where the sanctity of the family unit is seriously threatened. Broken marriages, divorce, adultery, domestic violence, child abuse and escalating crime all result from this problem.
There are three reasons for this sad situation. First is the widespread ignorance about Islamic teachings in this regard. Even in various Islamic groups the subject hardly gets the attention it deserves. Second is the rampant materialism. While materialism hurts all aspects of our life, it is especially damaging to family ties for they require sacrifice of time, money and personal comfort. The third reason has to do with recent transformation of Muslim societies adopting western culture.
There is, however, a different alternative, one that works. Islam has positive solutions, found in the Qur’an and traditions from the life of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be on him), that provide protection and security for the family unit. These guidelines promote a healthy, moral and secure environment where children can be raised, the natural desires of men and women are safeguarded and where virtues like love, kindness and mercy can be fostered. Many family values have been eroded by today’s fast pace of life and unending desire for material achievement. Family members are drifting apart, each in the pursuit of their own desires. The outcome is that people are too busy to make the time or effort to develop and nurture the relationships that are so vital to family life, resulting in lack of consideration for other’s feelings and selfishness. So this Ramadhan let us try to work towards a better Muslim society by understanding the importance of relationships in Islam.
Marriage is the first step to starting a family and its significance has been repeatedly stressed by the Qur’an and the example of the Prophet saw. The Qur’an enjoins the best relationship between a husband and wife and requires each to have due consideration for the needs and desires of the other. It also directs that they should behave affectionately towards each other. The Qur’an says: “He it is Who created you from a single soul and made there from its mate, that he might find comfort in her” (Al A’raf 7:189). It further defines marriage with: “Of His signs is that He created mates for you of your own kind that you may find peace of mind through them, and He has put love and tenderness between you. In that are signs for a people who reflect” (Ar-Rum 30:21). I remind my self and my sisters to strengthen this love during this Ramadhan by helping each other to get closer to Allah .
Islamic teachings also deal with the parent-child relationship in detail. This is probably the most complex of all human relationships and it can make or break a family. It is a relationship that goes full circle; when the children are young, it is the parents that are in charge, but when they grow old, the situation may reverse with children having to take charge. However, Islam expects children to maintain an attitude of love and affection, respect and kindness to their parents, even when they get to an old and difficult age, and to give them priority over all other things except Allah. The Qur’an contains a very comprehensive verse on this topic, which firstly tells us:
“Thy Lord has commanded that ye worship none but Him, and that ye show kindness to parents.” Then, when the behavior of one or both of the parents becomes extremely trying and sometimes offensive in old age, the verse continues: “If one or both of them attain old age with thee, never say to them as much as ugh nor reproach them, but always address them with kindly speech Then it says: “Lower to them the wing of humility out of tenderness….” In other words, we must never forget what we owe to them for bringing us into this world and taking care of us. Finally, we are told to pray for them: “[A]nd say, ‘My Lord, have mercy on them even as they nourished me when I was a little child’” ( Al isra 23- 24). So my dear sisters lets not forget to make dua for our parents in this Ramadhan.
During Ramadhan we all get so busy that we tend to find less time to give a call to our parents or visit them . Let’s make sure that we keep aside some time for them and also sisters who find their husband too busy can remind them to call their parents . It would be amazing if we find time for our parents in law (for those who are living) to give them a call with the same concern and love that we have for our own parents.
The Qur’an also commands parents to treat their children with love and understanding and to raise them in such a way that they grow up with feelings of dignity and self-respect. The future of society depends on the children of today, so it is imperative that they are brought up with good moral values. The Prophet said: “Respect your children and cultivate in them the best of manners” (Ibn Majah Book of Hadith .We need to address our children politely and courteously, for a child is a great mimic. If you address them rudely, they will return the compliment in kind. We need to be the best role model to them Nowadays children are increasingly exposed to immorality, violence and profanity through television, movies and the internet. The result is that they are imitating these behaviors instead of learning values such as good manners, humility and honesty, which does not bode well for the future of society. Encouraging and motivating our kids to join us while praying or reciting Quran during this blessed month would help them spiritually and emotionally In sha allah.
While the Qur’an offers practical guidance for each aspect of life and emphasizes that we are accountable for all our actions to Allah Almighty, it also provides us with prayers to facilitate each action and reach our goal of pleasing Him. One such prayer pertaining to family life is:
“Our Lord, grant us of our wives and children the delight of our eyes, and make us a model for the righteous” Al Furqan 74 ). Reminding ones husband to make this dua in this blessed month would be wonderful.
Maintaining the bonds of kinship indeed enjoys extraordinary importance in Islam. Conversely, severing or breaking the ties (qata-ur-rahim), is very high on the list of enormities. At two places in the Qur’an, Allah has cursed the one severing or breaking family ties.
“And those who break the covenant of Allah, after its ratification, and sever that which Allah has commanded to be joined (i.e. they sever the bond of kinship and are not good to their relatives) and work mischief in the land, on them is the curse, and for them is the unhappy home (i.e. Hell)” [Ar-Rad 13:25. See also Muhammad, 47:22-23].
Hadith related to this is “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him maintain the bonds of kinship” [Bukhari]
A young man went to attend the weekly hadith lecture of Abu Huraira, (May Allah be pleased with him) but the routine opening announcement stopped him. “If anyone sitting here has severed any ties of kinship , he should leave.” He recalled that an aunt lived in the town with whom he had not been on speaking terms. The young man quietly left the gathering and went straight to his aunt’s home. He asked for forgiveness for his past behavior and sought rapprochement. When the aunt inquired about the reason for this change of heart, he narrated the entire incident. She accepted the apology but asked him to inquire from Abu Huraira ((May Allah be pleased with him), the reason for this unusual announcement. Why did he leave all the other major sins and focus only on this? What was so special about ties of kinship? Abu Huraira replied that he had heard from the Prophet (pbuh) that our deeds are presented to Allah every Thursday night and anyone who has severed family ties has all his good deeds rejected. He did not want any such person sitting in his gathering, which was held on the same night, for fear that it could deprive the entire gathering of blessings. Another hadith explains further the reason for this fear: “Allah’s mercy will not descend on people among whom there is one who severs ties of kinship.” [Baihaqi, Shuab Al-Iman] So my dear sisters this shows the seriousness of the topic. How important it is to be at good terms with relatives.Family issues are common in every home. In this blessed month ,pondering on the Qur’anic verses and hadith mentioned would help us to get rid of hard feelings against anyone or ask forgiveness of those whom we may have wronged .
“ The prophet (saw) said “The most beloved of people according to Allah is he who brings most benefit to people, and the most beloved of deeds according to Allah the Mighty, the Magnificent, is that you bring happiness to a fellow Muslim, or relieve him of distress, or pay off his debt or remove hunger from him. It is more beloved to me that I walk with my Muslim brother in his time of need than I stay secluded in the mosque for a month.”
(Tabarani – Now imagine my dear sisters, Helping out a Muslim in times of difficulty and need is equivalent to one months ittiqaf. So we cant afford to miss any such chance in this blessed month .
A hadith states “Allah is in the help of His slave, so long as he is helping his brother” (Muslim)
Narrated AbuHurayrah: The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Give presents to one another, for a present removes rancor from the breast, and a woman should not despise even the gift of half a sheep’s trotter(fleshless part of legs) from her neighbor.” Tirmidhi transmitted it. – Al-Tirmidhi,
Today, unfortunately, these teachings can mostly be found in Muslim societies in their violation. The best we do today is reciprocate; more commonly we backbite, cheat, and hurt our relatives and continue the spiral of hurt and humiliation as they respond. And we just abandon those of our relatives who are economically unfortunate. It would sound harsh but so true that we cannot deny.
Thus If everyone followed the teachings of the Qur’an concerning the treatment of family members and Muslims we would have a society based on equality, love and righteousness. The social, moral and spiritual principles prescribed by the Qur’an ensure strong and lasting relationships between all family members and give consideration to the rights and privileges of others. The beautiful doctrines of Islam are not confined to Muslims alone, but are universal and are applicable to the present and future for all mankind.There are several hadith and Quranic verses related to building good relationship pleasing to Allah. It will need a lot of time.
So my dear sisters ,lets all try to make this Ramadhan very special in multiplying our good deeds by strengthening our bonds as prescribed by Islam.
May Allah bless us with love in our relationship with all our family members ,relatives and Muslims around .
May He help us to rebuild broken bonds and purify our hearts .
May He bless us with generosity and kindness towards our relatives and neighbors .
I thank Allah for blessing me with so many wonderful sisters whom I would like to meet so I pray with all my heart that May Allah accept all our good deeds , forgive all our sins and shortcomings and may He with is abundant mercy gather us all with our loved ones in Jannathul Firdous. I love you all my dear sisters for the sake of Allah …
As salamu alaikum wa rahmathullahi wabarakatuhu.
LIFE 